Insomnia
by resu'nik
Summary: [ Azel.Calintz ] Azel can't sleep, but he's going to fix that. Azel and Calintz crack


**Insomnia**

**Fandom**: Magna Carta: Tears of Blood

**Author**: resu'nik

**Rating**: T for... Mild swear words and a mild almost-sexual situation.

**Summery**: Azel can't sleep. So he fixes the problem. CRACK

**Pairing**: AzelxCalintz (I CLAIM FIRST! I think. I have yet to find any fics for Azel and Calintz, so, nyeh. I at least claim first MCToB crack.)

**Notes**: GODDAMNIT. I HATE (but enjoy at the same time) LIKING THINGS NO ONE ELSE DOES BECAUSE EVEN ON THE INTERNET IT'S A FREAKING BATTLE TO GET ANY INFO/FICS/STUFF CONCERNING IT. Because of this butt-funk travesty, the fact that this is OOC is not my fault (although it kinda is).

**Disclaimer**: I, um. Yeah. I'm making shit up as I go!

* * *

For the sixth time in eleven days, Azel couldn't sleep. He was trying his hardest, he was. He was using every technique known to him--and then he was plain _inventing_ some, all for the sake of getting a good night's rest, since being haggard and weary throughout the day was troublesome, dangerous, and frikkin annoying the hell out of everyone, including himself. They were in between towns, spending the night beneath the stars as they said, and-- 

He couldn't. Freaking. Sleep.

The first time it happened he'd managed to cover it up. They'd been sleeping two to a room in a town much more South than they were now, and, despite the fact that the beds were a comfort to his tired body and the town was a quiet one, he hadn't gotten a wink that night. (Everyone _else_ was fresh as an effing daisy.)

Lucky for him, no one noticed--too much.

The second time they were all in separate rooms--but he, Haren and Calintz had bathed earlier that evening, and that was enough to harass his brain for hours on end.

That time they noticed. He told them he was just jazzed from all the fights the other day. Calintz almost made a face (but Azel could _swear_ he saw him roll his eyes), and Haren didn't say anything (he didn't have to--the black cloud of DOOM that hung over his head spoke volumes) and Eonis told him to grow up (but in a much more Eonis-ish way).

Third time they were in a village that was no more than a handful or so of conveniently placed buildings, and Azel blamed it on the cicadas that had been chirping all through the night. Fortunately for him there actually _had_ been cicadas.

Fourth time he blamed it on the cicadas again. Seemed to work before.

Fifth time it was a mixture of the cicadas and a 'bad memory'.

Azel didn't think cicadas would work as his scapegoat tomorrow.

Mainly because there WERE none. (And he was listening very hard for them.)

But also because if he used it one more time, he was sure Calintz was going to throttle him. (Haren might actually get to it before him, though. Maybe they'd end up flipping for it.)

So, in order to not die (and also get back on everyone's good side--assuming he was allowed there. Maybe there was a "NO AZEL" sign he hadn't seen?) he absolutely HAD to do something about it.

It had been proven to him that removing the problem from his vicinity didn't work. (As shown the second time his night remained sleepless.) His brain seemed to go into overdrive no matter where he slept, and he'd yet to understand the mechanics of turning it off at will.

Slowly, the young swordsman sat up in a half slouch, his eyes glued (kinda) to his hands as they fumbled together in his lap nervously.

His gaze darted over to the sleeping figures of his companions, then stole back to his lap. Then back over to the dark shapes on the ground (illuminated by the half moon above them in a soft light, distinguishing them from their surroundings). One last glance at his hands, and one last check of his courage, he got to his feet and (before he could chicken out) made his way to one of the slighter forms (marked by a splay of pale hair--and a sword).

Before he could ask himself if this was such a good idea (or look and see just how _sharp_ that sword was) he plunked down on top of the sleeping boy and hooked his right arm around him as quickly and firmly as possible.

Calnitz woke with a start and a sort of mangled yell that could have only been a swear word in an alien language. He also reached for his word, intent on flaying his attacker alive (which was detrimental to Azel's health, and so he awkwardly kicked the weapon away)--having that route cut off, Calintz was ready to get down, dirty, and--

"A_zel_?" The blonde stopped short, breathing hard and squinting in the meager light the sky provided. "Fu--Azel, what are you doing?"

He didn't answer.

"Get off."

He didn't move.

"Get--(shove)--OFF."

He did the opposite and curled tighter around his victim.

"FREAKING HELL AZEL GET THE FREAK OFF OF ME--"

"CALINTZ." Eonis' voice cut through the night air and Calintz's loud, angry protests. She sounded groggy and very, very unhappy. "Shut up."

"Azel is ON TOP OF ME."

"I don't care."

"But Azel--"

"Calintz-"

"AZEL--"

"CALINTZ--"

"_AZEL_--"

Azel was holding on for dear life (arms wound tight and face buried in Calintz's neck).

"_CALINTZ_--"

Calintz was trying to pry the boy of him (face flushed and he was panicking nicely at the moment).

"EONIS HE'S--"

Eonis was on her stomach, warring with herself whether to kill the two or not.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT--"

Haren was sleeping.

"GET OFF OF ME AZEL--"

"NO."

Everyone was really quiet for a moment.

"Azel, _please_ get off of me," Calintz pleaded in a choked-off voice (much quieter than before).

"No, I don't want to." Azel muttered stubbornly.

"Okay." Calintz said, slowly. "Why not?"

"I can't sleep."

Calintz's shoulders slumped. "Clinging to me isn't going to help you an--"

"Yes it is."

"Right. And how is that?"

"Cause you're why I can't sleep."

And again, they were very quiet.

(It occurred to Azel that Calintz was going to inquire after his last comment, and in the event of such an eventuality, he should probably LIE LIKE HIS ASS DEPENDED ON IT.)

"... Uh. Why?" Calintz paused for a moment, then added quickly, "Do I snore?"

"No. I can't sleep cause you're really girly."

(Then again, Azel had cheated death once already--perhaps he was long over due for a visit to hell?)

"I'M FREAKING GIRLY?"

Crap.

"YOU'RE GIRLIER THAN ME."

"I don't care!" Half of Azel, the kinda-smart-yeah part, was telling him to let it go and suffer with the insomnia. To get the hell off of Calintz, slowly back away, and never try anything like this again.

But that part was quickly mowed over by the woo-I'm-frikkin-stupid part.

"WELL I DON'T-"

"CALINTZ!" Eonis was mad again. Eonis was probably going to gut the both of them. (There were so many things he needed to do before he died--)

"IT'S NOT MY FREAKING FAULT, AZEL JUST SA--" (--there where so many places he'd never been--)

"STOP BLAMING AZEL, DAMNIT, YOU'RE OLDER THAN HIM SO ACT LI--" (--so many Yason he had yet to kill--)

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, SAY--" (--things he'd yet to say--)

"Calintz I can't sleep 'cause your hips are driving me insane!"

For a third time everyone fell silent. (Half a mile away, one lone cicada chirped obnoxiously.)

"_What_?" Calintz asked, bewildered.

"Your hips!"

"What about my hips!"

"They're so..." Azel couldn't seem to find the right words to describe just _what_ Calintz's hips where. "Just. Let me touch your hips!"

Floundering for only a half second, Calintz's face went from flushed to tomato red as Azel's hands slipped down. (He also wore a fashionably horrified look.)

"NO! GET AWAY FROM MY HIPS!" Voice tinged with desperation, he tried valiantly to prize the younger boy from his body. And failed.

"LET ME TOUCH YOUR HIPS."

"NO WAY IN FREAKING HELL, AZEL."

"I JUST WANT TO TOUCH THEM."

"I DON'T CARE WHAT--"

"LET HIM TOUCH YOU DAMN HIPS, CALINTZ."

The pale-haired Tear sputtered for a moment. Then, "No! No, I refuse to let this happen!"

"DO. IT. It's your own damn fault for flashing the damn things every turn!"

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT. THAT'S HOW THE CLOTHES ARE DESIGNED--" (Azel's hands were slipping lower and lower--time was a precious commodity for both of them.)

"DID YOU _HAVE_ TO CHOOSE THOSE SPECIFIC CLOTHES? NO. LET HIM GROPE YOUR DAMN HIPS." There was a thunk of heavy metal against grass and dirt. "DON'T MAKE ME GET UP."

Azel's hands finally slunk down over the last of the cloth and encountered the skin of the topic of discussion. He was finally touching Calintz's goddamned hips.

Calintz was obediently laying stock-still, the fight driven out of him by Eonis' fantastic threat of mental and physical harm should he protest any more.

Hand tightly gripping her staff as it rest beside her, Eonis stayed alert an awake for a moment or two, ascertaining that Calintz was now docile. When she was sure there was going to be no more disturbing of her rest, she loosened her hold and relaxed her body, eyes drifting closed once more.

Haren was still sleeping.

He would never know.

**THE END**

**I'm going to hell, but review, okay? **


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